The Tale of Baalji

Thank god I don't care.



For... what is it, the 6th time now?



Who are these people? I want some fucking names.


Finally, something interesting to talk about!


Since the girl isn't hot and I'm a guy, the logical choice is to go with a guy. Then again upon reflection me pressing the A Button rapidly might have also affected my choice in some way.



Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.



In what? Who can crap their diaper fastest?



And so the fun begins.


What? Do you have Alzheimer's?


AND SO THE ADVENTURE BEGINS!



Nice to see I'm being raised on TV instead of wholesome family values. But upon reflection...


...I'd say I got a better deal.


How quaint.


If this is such a small town then how can it afford its own Pokemon Center? I'd hardly think this town has anything to offer nor does it have any rare species to study.


METAL GEAR?!


Oh god it's even worse, it's an annoying old man!


What protection? The tallest thing in here reaches up to my kneecaps, I can just punt anything that gets in my way.


Seconded.


I'm convinced this bastard is slowly diving into senility.


Thank you, Count.


Just one? Why can't I have all three? And what do you plan to do with the last one that's left over, eat it? I wouldn't doubt it.


Please, as long as it shuts him up.




The choice is obvious.


Like I said, obvious.


Skipping more of the bastards bitching, it's time to do battle!


I DON'T NEED AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL TO KICK ASS, OLD MAN!


See? Instructions are for losers.


Yeh.


No, you just suck.


I'd rather you not.


The adventure will continue... TOMORROW.

And so we return after that week long hiatus!


AND SO THE ADVENTURE BEGINS!

After kicking ass, I get two more levels for my little buddy.


Unimportant shit happens.


I'm not seeing enough green here, MORE GREEN NINTENDO!


More cockfighting brings rewards.


Horrible and unfulfilling, kind of like Dane Cook's humor.



What's so custom about it? Did they put stickers on it?


I know that whiny style of speaking from anywhere.


GASP, IT'S MY ANNOYING STALKER, FAGGOT!


Send a bunch of 10-Year Olds out to fulfill your dream of finding every monster to have a simulated cockfight with, that's fantastic logic.


Because you'll do so well, right?


JONAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!


Oh now that you say that, I guess I won't be going.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqh9YolFhtU&feature=related


Let's try this again.


Kick it's ass!


Sexy.


Hmmm.


Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!


I spared you the grindfest and sorry about not showing the names but my Emulator is being a bitch right now.


More poweran'.


My god, do you just hide in every bush stalking me until you feel like showing up?


Well I did just start, Mr. Messiah.


How would he handle a fireball to the face?


Naturally.


Hey Pidgey, Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship!


OHHHHHH, I GOT YOU SON!


Draw out this fight with weak attacks.


I hate it when I'm right.


Yeah yeah, BACK TO THE FUCKING BUSHES!


Well this wouldn't be happening if someone would stay out of my fucking way!


Pussy.


UNTIL NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z!

Alright, let's get back to this shit.


You were lying in the middle of the street earlier because you didn't have coffee, earlier? God, it's like that one episode of Dexter's Laboratory.


And I am now forced into a tutorial on how to catch Pokemon despite the fact I've already caught two of them.


There's more to being a Pokemon trainer than just throwing a ball and yelling at your monsters? God, I must be playing this game the wrong way.


Okay then, to Viridian Forest... I guess.


AHHH, THE OUTDOORS, THE WIDE-OPEN RANGE, WHAT WONDERS AWAIT ME HERE?!



...Things I figured out not five minutes ago, apparently.


Time for the slaughter.


Yeh.


I GET IT!



God, he'll be Charmeleon in no time.


That's gonna be really useful after I get out of this damned forest.


It's about time. Now let's catch it!


Motherfu-


Let's try this again.


DATS RITE, SON! I named him Bob by the way because the emulator apparently hates me when it comes to entering names.


My god.


Out of the forest and into another inaccurate city description.


Time to heal up.


Time for some Bob grindin'.


What da fux?


Am I having a stroke?!


And so Bob goes from useless to even more useless.


Took long enough, anyways.


Gee, I wonder what kind of trainer he is.


My god, he must be a fucking water-trainer, I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!


Oh, I thought this guy was actually going to be a challenge.



Actually I'm about 7 feet from him, now if you wouldn't mind...


Sigh


Maim him horribly.


Nice to see I'll be getting Charmeleon right after the next fight.



YOU FAIL ASTRONOMY FOREVER!


I had no idea. I thought the sign outside and sign inside dictated what I was going to be making bad jokes about.


Enough with the rock puns, please.


Seriously, stop it.


Mind = Blown



At least you aren't making rock puns.


And after the onslaught of dialogue from Seto Kaiba's retarded brother, we begin.


LES GETIT ONNNNNN!


Molten Rock, coming right up!



All right, let's end this.


HOLY SHIT, THAT TURNED AROUND QUICKLY! Oh well, I'll kill him on the next hit.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_5jMCReWXI


Well... I'm boned.


Come on Bob, save me!


Believe it or not... the one doing the critical hit is Bob. Like I said, I AM BONED.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnHksDFHTQI


Win, hopefully.



Oh god, thank you!


That was too fucking close.



That's right! BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR DIGITAL RULER!



FUCK YES! TIME TO RAPE EVERYTHING!


In the next update.

Prepare for Evolutions, galore.


This will have absolutely nothing to do with anything later.


The only helpful member of Oak's group ladies and germs.


Weee!


Hello Nurse!


Awww yeah, you all know what's coming now!


Say hello to my one pokemon army!


Murder.


See? He's a fucking monster.


Time for my next catch.


WHAT HAVE I DONE?!


Goddammit that's two times in a row.


Hello, there.


Yesshhhh.


And then my emulator decided to start loving me again.


I am on fire.


The group is almost complete!


Totally nothing important at all...


Oh come on, don't I at least get a cool background?


Eh.


Right, the next thing you're gonna tell me is that Dodongo dislikes smoke!


AND NOW THE HOLY FORMATION WILL BE COMPLETE!


Mmmhmm.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1bgxfxchkQ


INSPIRATION!


You know what's coming.


What's all this now?


Predictable joke ahead.


Nahhh, I'm not that lame.


Guitarists get all of the chicks.


INTO THE DEPTHS!


Well, that's not good.


Oh lord, he's not gonna shoot me is he?


NOT THE FACE!


God, all he did was challenge me to a cockfight, some gangsters.


You obviously haven't been at this too long, have you?


Mmkay.


Let's go even further!


ANother one?


Why don't you just punch me?


Now to find a Clefairy.


And so comes the onslaught.


You've gotta appreciate how noble Team Rocket is. They kill Pokemon, destroy public property, trespass over private property, try to take over the world and even smoke but when it comes to punching a kid then they refuse to do even that.


Didn't Oak's assistant already leave?


Oh, so he was a nerd. Wait a minute, Miguel is too cool of a name for a nerd.


A Grimer? How appropriate.


Poison pokemon in General? Oh lord, the irony meter on this guy is getting higher.


You've got some balls not having a full poison group!


I fucking thought so.


Whatever, I just want my Kabutops.


AWESOME.


YES BUT DOES IT HAVE A COOL SHELL? I DIDN'T THINK SO!


How convenient!


Little bitch sure gave me a hard time!


Let's get the hell out of here.


AIR, GOOD LORD AIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR!


Oh Mistyyyyyyyyyyy...


The hell?


My lord, they're idiots.


Let's give Sarbud the Mega Punch.


Can't we all just get along?


Teach Mega Kick to Nick.


My god they're almost as bad as shippers.


WHERE IN THE FUCK IS IT GETTING THESE COLOR SCHEMES FROM?!


I spared you guys the continuous evolutions while I was grinding. Anyways, you guys decide my team before each gym battle now that I have more than six Pokemon. Here they are, go wild.

Since Skip was the only one who actually cared enough to post their own team.


Zzzzzz


Well, she can't be that-


This is gonna suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.


I could just keep walking but the game finds it necessary for me to fight him.


Fodder #1


And so MISTY's lesbian lover tries to take me on.


Fodder #2


Well she seems like a nice...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyNTibg6ehQ


Hello Hotness.


And here comes the pain.


Goddammit.


Attempt #2


Die... horribly.


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


I love how everyone was all excited when I first started this but no one bothers to fucking comment because I wasn't near a computer for a week except the guy I don't know about (No offense, Skip), Buu and Sarbud, most likely to tease me. FUCK ALL OF YOU FOR NOT TAKING THE OPPORTUNITY FOR SOMETHING FUN AND ME HAVING TO RESORT TO GETTING CHARMELEON TO LEVEL 30 STILL AT THE BEGINNING.


At least someone appreciates me.


So I can do something I should've been able to do.


Now, can I have your number?


That ends today's.