Kaio watches the Hellraiser series

Blind buy. All I know about this series is that it's gory and disgusting.

Oh Hellraiser. Have fun watching that.

Isn't one of them an Alan Smithee film? That should be good.

Jesus, this movie must've been made on a budget. The special effects are beyond terrible.

So there's a puzzle that when it's solved or something shoots out billions of hooks that rip you apart. Then this creep, who I know is called Pinhead, shows up and resests the puzzle, making all the hooks and blood and limbs dissappear. Or something.

A couple buys a house and soon their daughter shows up. The brother of the husband, Frank, had a relationship with the wife, Julia. I bet this is going to be a very interesting plot! Frank was also the guy who died in the beginning of the movie.

And all the characters have no personality.

While the wife reminisces about a hot steaming round of teh secks, Larrie, the husband is about to cut his hand open due to a nail thay is loose on the wall. While Julia orgasms, Larrie cuts his hand. This is played with great drama, including some tense build up music. later we find out the cut was so deep that both of Larrie's hands are completely bloodied and there's puddles of blood falling on the floor. Which the floor absorbs.

The floor produces some kind of monster whois created from the blood. We slowly see bones, brains and flesh being created and it looks pretty disgusting. But also pretty bad.

The later films get much, much worse. They're awful.

The monster is Frank. He wants Julia to bring him more blood so he can be cured. Julia, being the drone she is, complies.

Kirsty has a nightmare about her father becoming horribly disfigured.

Julia brings a random man home with the promise of sex. Instead she kills him with a hammer.

Kaio wrote:

Julia brings a random man home with the promise of sex. Instead she kills him with a hammer.

I like this movie.

Frank eats the man or something and regains more of hsi flesh. Julia is completely entraced by this guy and ears herself a place in the list of most interesting characters in cinematic history.

Frank says that if they don't run soon, the cenobites will come. Huzzah! After halfway through the movie the plot sets in! Anyway, Julia doesn't want to kill another man, but due to her lack of personality she will anyway.

Julia kills her second victim and Frank eats him again. Frank regains more flesh and is now able to smoke again. Frank shows the puzzle and says it opens doors to the pleasures of heaven and hell. We see how Frank was tortured by the cenobites.

Later that night, Larry hears some sounds from upstairs and goes to check. Julia tries to stop him by passionately kissing him and the promise of sex. Larry falls for it because just like every other male in this film he hasn't realised Julia is a middle-aged ugly.

During foreplay however, Frank shows up and intimidates Julia by cutting open a rat in front of her. Oh noez!

Julia goes nuts and Larry just doesn't understand it.

Larry has a good convo with his daughter (who by the way is being stalked by a hobo).

Frank tells Julia to get another man and two minutes later we're back with another unsuspecting male and the mighthy bash of le hammer. However, Larry's daughter Kirsty hears everything though. The plot thickens.

Kirsty comes in and we finally see how Frank eats his victims. He puts his hands on the men and sucks them dry. Kirsty sees how the latest guy dies (the hammer failed) and is cornered by Frank.

Kirsty steals the puzzle box and gets away. Frank is sad. Kirsty faints and wakes up in a hospital bed. The doctor gives her the puzzle back and says the police will arrive soon. To kill the time, Kirsty plays with the mysterious box her dead uncle had in his possession. This is a very smart decision.

Kirsty touches it and pretty colours come from it. Kirsty is happy. Then suddenly a bolt of lightning comes from the box and Kirsty is in shock. The puzzle closes up and changes to another form.

The wall opens up and a long corridor appears...

Kirsty walks through the corridor, but is halted by a monster that sort of looks like a scorpion, except really disgusting. Kirsty runs back and is able to return in time to her hospital room before the monster catches up with her. Phew!

Kirsty tries to fix the box, but it only shoots out more bolts lightning, causing the room to fuck up around Kirsty.

A bunch of cenobites show up and Pinhead tells Kirsty they are guys who... do stuff. Because she opened the box she has to come with the cenobites.

HOWEVER, Kirsty is able to strike a deal with the cenobites. She will find Frank for them and he will go to... wherever in her place.

Kirsty hides, but then comes out from her hiding spot and starts crying out loud in the middle of the hall. Frank casually walks up to her from behind while making loud noises, yet Kirsty doesn't notice him until he's standing right next to her and opens up his stiletto. This is not a joke.



Meanwhile, Larry comes home and is greetd by his loving wife. Kirsty shows up later and hugs her dad who is apparantly still alive. Of course everyone and their mom knows that's not Larry since he talks very mysteriously and not very human at all.Also there's blood plastered over the side of his face.

So after a while of back and forthing the cenobites show up and want the man who Kirsty believes is her father. Kirsty goes ape nuts because she's retarded until Julia and Frank try to kill her and she finally realises she is a moron.

However, Frank kills Julia instead and sucks her up. FINALLY.

Just before Frank kills Kirsty the cenobits show up again and put Frank in those nasty chains with hooks again. Ouch.

I guess this makes the cenobites the heroes of this movie.

In the best scene of this film (that doesn't say much) Frank is ripped to shreds by dozens of hooked chains.

The cenobites then go after Kirsty, but she solves the puzzle box and defeats all the cenobites. The house starts to cave and Kirsty's bf shows up. The almost make it outside, but then the puzzle box does something again and the scorpion monster shows up again.

Kirsty solved the box again though and the two of them can go outside. The house burns up and Kirsty throws the box in the fire.

But then the stalking hobo appears again (I mentioned him in passing) and picks up the burning puzzle box and then is lit on fire himself. He then transforms into a MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON AND FLIES AWAY AS WE FIND OUT KIRSTY AND HER BF WERE IN THE PUZZLE BOX ALL ALONG AND AS WE ZOOM OUT FRANK IS BUYING THE BOX JUST LIKE HE DID IN THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE HOLY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Really. That's what happens.

2/10. Terrible movie.

Wait til you get to the 4th one. It's in space.

Did you finish watching these?

Just hell raiser

Spoiler:

No, it was too terrible.

More happened in 2 then 1, i don't remember it

it was definitely gorier though

3 is terrible if its the one in the night club