*Nerd rage mode Activate! Times Three! *Be forewarned for yet again: The following is yet another pathetic display of nerd-ism that will contain pointless, pathetic nitpicking and making fun of IGN. Now crossing topics and boards!*
Quote:
"In this modern, Web-ridden era of ours, advanced reviews and an endless succession of trailers and marketing ploys have mastered the art of making a bad movie look good or a good movie look better, eliminating that too-rare experience of discovering that a film you initially thought would be crap was actually quite the opposite. So count me surprised at the degree to which I enjoyed Dragonball: Evolution."
He apparently forgot that he writes for IGN so he's clearly an idiot and what he thinks is irrelevant.
Quote:
"Right off the bat, hardcore fans will undoubtedly find things to pick apart with the adaptation, arguing that there's simply no way the movie could match the original anime."
No, they're going to pick it apart because it has nothing to do with the Dragon Ball they fell in love with.
Quote:
"And you're right. It doesn't. And, really, what live-action movie ever could? The visual style, pacing, characters and storytelling are so unique to the animated series that any kind of slavish re-interpretation of them would almost certainly fail."
Hence the movie should have never, ever been made and the people that green-lighted it should be fired... out of a cannon, into the sun.
Quote:
"This is the very same reason that Speed Racer never fired effectively on all cylinders, despite bravely attempting an inventive new approach."
It couldn't possibly be that Speed Racer was just a shitty license that nobody cared about and the only reason people even slightly remember it fondly is nostalgia and it's atrocious, yet comical, dub. It's the same reason that Voltron movie is going to bomb.
Quote:
"That said, Dragonball: Evolution is perhaps the most successful live-action film to date to utilize costume, production and audio design."
Either you forgot to clarify that statement with the world "comic" or "anime" or you have the worst tastes in movies in the entire world. Even then I want a hit of whatever you were smoking because those costumes look like shit and the setting was generic. Don't change, IGN. Don't change.
Quote:
"not to mention some inspired fight choreography – to provide the flavor of anime without becoming overly cartoonish. It absolutely feels within the spirit of the presentation without attempting to be so overly loyal as to fall flat on its face."
Wire-fu =/= "flavor of anime." Wire-fu is shit no matter what it is in. It's stupid and a horrible gimmick I can't wait to see leave the movie business.
Quote:
"Secondly, this is an origin story and it does a relatively good job of establishing a world and setting up the rules."
You mean shit on Toriyama's world and create a generic not-America. *wink*
Quote:
"The story is simple: Goku and his friends – Bulma, Yamacha and Master Roshi – must reunite the seven sacred Dragonballs before the evil Lord Piccolo can collect them and destroy the world. No doubt, the film takes its liberties, and it'll depend entirely upon your level of sensitivity whether you're OK with them."
Yeah, I'm not.
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"For example, the world in which the movie takes place is much more Westernized"
They can go suck a dick for that.
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"a cross-cultural melting-pot, practically conceived, one imagines, to make the movie more marketable."
No, it's because the average American has become so arrogant and self-centered that they will not go see anything that isn't "American."
Quote:
"But the mythology itself, as well as some of the set design and plot elements, never make the film feel too far away from its Eastern roots."
Seven sages creating a magic dragon is hardly a Eastern-only thing.
Quote:
"The problem with most of those movies is simply that nobody takes them seriously. At best, they're cash-cows for videogame tie-in's and product placement, created as an excuse to display some flashy fight choreography and set design, but never sufficiently funded to feel anything other than cheap. Nobody ever pays attention to the story, let alone the level of performance. But with Dragonball, the fan base is simply too large, the phenomenon too massive, to try and sneak by some half-hearted cinematic effort."
Way to suck, IGN. That's what they did. It is a cheesy, half-assed film designed to milk the fanbase. They made the damn movie on a $45 million dollar budget. Green Lantern was green lighted (no pun intended) with a $150 million budget. One glance at the cast, SFX, and wire-fu will tell you that the movie was cheap.
Quote:
"And aside from the obvious, though certainly not grand, budget, what makes Dragonball at least half-way entertaining is the cast"
A) So now you're admitting the budget wasn't anything special.
B) The cast is shit. The only redeeming thing about it is the chicks are hot.
Quote:
"Justin Chatwin is immensely likeable in this role, and while Goku's journey is absolutely nothing we haven't seen before – save the world, protect your friends and avenge the death of your master – he and the rest of the cast do an admirable job at creating characters the audience can actually care about."
Hahahahahaha. Fox paid you for this review, didn't they?
Quote:
"Chow Yun-Fat captures the whimsical, half-drunken essence of Roshi and Emmy Rossum, despite being something of a departure from the anime's vision of Bulma, brings a lot of kick-ass chick charisma to the role."
BULMA DOES NOT KICK ASS That's not what she does. She's an inventor goddammit. She doesn't fight, she screams for Goku or Krillen then hides. It's a show about super powered demons, aliens, and martial artist, a random girl does not fight.
Quote:
"None of which would matter at all if the script, written by Ben Ramsey, didn't stop the action and pause the special effects to offer a handful of rather effective character beats."
Yeah, I'm sure those were spectacular and not aneurysm inducing moments.
Quote:
"Dragonball isn't just about getting to the next set piece – of which there are plenty – and chooses, instead, to allow its characters moments to be just that… characters."
It's a shame the characters have been bastardized and are complete shells of their original selves.
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"And fortunately, with the exception of Yamacha – who is arguably the least well-drawn – most of the cast rises to the challenge."
Drawn? What?
Quote:
"Keep in mind that the film is nowhere near perfect."
There's the understatement of the year.
Quote:
"There are a few obvious plot-holes and the occasional eye-rolling, too-convenient coincidence. Lord Piccolo simply isn't given enough to do to make him appear extremely menacing, and his make-up looks as if it had been pulled straight from the storage closet of Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
But you just said they had a wonderful budget and a great costume designs. Made up your damn mind.
Quote:
"Will people find reasons to hate Dragonball? Absolutely. And will others find reasons to enjoy it? You bet."
They're either idiots, non-fans, or children. So, they don't count.
Quote:
"But we suspect that the younger, less discriminating fans in the audience will like it well enough"
Thank you for proving my point.
Quote:
"and that their parents just might, surprisingly, have a good time as well."
Hahahahahahaha. That's a good one.
Quote:
"The older, more set-in-their-ways crowd will undoubtedly pick it apart, but at the very least, we here at IGN think there's something to enjoy, if not necessarily love, about Dragonball: Evolution."
Nobody cares what you at IGN things. "You can't spell ignorant without IGN" ring any bells. You have been documented at letting companies buy your reviews, you spread bad information and rumors as fact, and you just have no credibility at all. Of course you'd like the movie. There's pretty faces and OMG, coolz special fxs. You obviously never seen the source material since you think wire-fu is an accurate portrayal of combat in Dragon Ball. Your review is worthless.
Subject: The Great Helio's rant of Dragon Ball: Evolution. 
Tue May 12, 2009 5:37 am
