Tekken 2: Kazuya's Revenge

I need to vent. I've been watching this for 20 minutes now and I don't know anyone's name. Not one character has been mentioned by name. I can't even guess who they are because not a single one of them looks anything like anyone from Tekken.

A dude woke up in an apartment, and some military guys chased him, and then he got taken by some girl. Now he's in some kind of camp run by some guy called The Minister. The guy has amnesia so they're calling him K for contrived reasons, so I assume he's Kazuya. But only because the movie's called Kazuya's Revenge. Otherwise I wouldn't have a clue. There's three weird chicks and I don't know who they are. All I know is one of them tried to fuck Kazuya while he was sleeping. Oh and the Minister put a bomb in Kazuya to force him to obey them.

I don't know why the Minister took Kazuya. I don't know what they want him to do. All that's happened so far is they just keep taking him somewhere in the camp to make him beat people up.

Oh wait, we have one character name now. The main women, the (presumably) female lead of this Tekken movie, is called Rhona Anders.

Which is great because she was always one my favourite Tekken characters.

Oh boy I'm glad they used that classic Tekken scene where Kazuya stabs a paedophile in the head with a chopstick.

Right, I see what's happened here. Somewhere out there, someone wanted to make film about a guy who gets kidnapped and has a bomb stuck in him by some shady people so they can force him to be an assassin. And the only people he could find to fund this movie said "Fine, but make it a Tekken movie". And all he did was change the character's name to K.

My God, that ending kind of makes the film worth it.

Spoiler:

So it did turn out to be a prequel, and Kazuya did not get any revenge.

So wait, a good video game movie?

No, it's not good. It's clearly an unrelated script that was bought last minute and had a few extra pages added to make it a Tekken movie.

Can't help but read your posts in Bryan Cranston's voice, Nonny.
I liked the first movie quite a bit, from the description I see it sounds like the new movie is not something better, if you watch it with Tekken on your mind it will mostly throw you off

Yeah, it has nothing to do with Tekken until the final scene, when it's revealed to be a key part of the Mishima backstory. But there's a lot more they could have done to relate to Tekken. Like, the female assassin that Kazuya works with. She's a brunette called Rhona Anders, but her backstory is that she has a sister, and their father taught both of them how to be assassins. Then her sister sold her to The Minister. Just call her Anna Williams.

And they meet another assassin who managed to escape from The Minister, who helps them escape (sort of). They call him Fury, and he's played by the same guy who plays Bryan Fury in the first movie. But in that movie he actually looked like Bryan and was confirmed to be a cyborg. In this one he just looks normal.

Kazuya also gets a girlfriend while he's out being an assassin, but she's called Laura. Why not call her Jun? I don't think it's specified how long before the first movie this one is. It seems like the gap is pretty small, but I'd buy it if she was called Jun.

Saw the first 5 minutes of this just now.
The Minister got this messed up speech, I wonder if the actor wasn't confused by what he said reading the script.
Then decided "I will think of this as a less than enjoyable piece of shit".
Turned it off, and deleted the movie.