Let's Play! Uncharted: Golden Abyss

Prologue: I'm Telling You... It Was Drake...



Ah, the Uncharted loading screens. So reconisable yet so unremarkable in every way. Anyway, as we begin Drake is sneaking into... somewhere. And wouldn't you know it, someone is trying to stop him sneaking into that particular somewhere.



The guy in the blue shirt is Dante. He appears to be our bad guy for this adventure, although there's usually more than one. He's it for now though. Not that it matters much because we only see him for a few seconds. So we finally get control of Drake and can explore this new game and take in all it's handheld wonders.



Again, it looks a lot nicer on the Vita. There's nothing of interest in this small area, so we need to get out of it. This being Uncharted, that can only mean one thing. Climbing!



Climbing in GA is much the same as it ever was. You point Drake and a handhold and press X.



Sometimes things break when Drake grabs them. Never seen that before. There are some new options for climbing actually. This being the Vita's flagship title, every controls scheme in the world has been shoved into it apparently. While the buttons work just fine, you can also use the touch screen to climb. Either tap the ledges as you go to make Nathan climb them, or just swipe your finger across a bunch of them and watch Nathan follow the path. I would say it feels automated and joyless. In fact I will say that. It feels automated and joyless. But then I've come to realize that it's not much different from using the buttons. It's not like it takes more skill to push X than it does to tap the screen. I guess there's a very small chance that you could miss a jump when using the stick to manoeuvre, but that became less and less likely as the Uncharted series went on. I'll be using the buttons anyway just because I'm used to it. And while using the touch screen doesn't make platforming easier than it already is, it does feel lazy.

It's not long before we encounter a goon. God bless goons.



Why is he standing there? He knows there's someone out there trying to sneak into the... place where this is. Does he think I'm going to fly in? Is he just admiring the view? And if he is, there's a nice wall there he could stand behind. Safety first. I pull him off (the cliff), and get down to business.



Pewpewpew! The aiming feels really sluggish, even with the sensitivity turned right up. There's an option for motion controlled aiming, but fuck that. It's terrible in NGS+ and it's terrible here. There's an auto-aim function to compensate, which I shamefully turned on. Once everyone is dead, I get to look around some more.



Dat lighting. Again there's nothing interest to be found. Climbing it is then. It doesn't go so well this time though.



Nathan go boom.



Oh, so it's that kind of prologue.

We're in a new environment. It looks pretty nice.



Oh hey, Dante is tagging along. I guess we didn't know he was a bad guy two weeks ago. Nathan and Dante are in some part of central America (I think) looking for some treasure or something. I don't think it's any specific treasure yet. Unfortunately there's a fence. It has keep out signs on it and everything. Rather than simply climbing over the fence, and Nathan and Dante decide to go the scenic route.



Dohoho. So what does the scenic route entail? Climbing you say? Pah! It's time for the game to branch out and show us some more of it's features. The first thing it pulls out of it's bag of tricks is...



...the humble rope. But it's not so simple. The Vita has reinvented the simple act of swinging on a rope. You can tap the rope to jump to it, and move your fingers up and down on the rear touchpad in an ever-so-vague climbing motion to climb the rope, and swing the Vita back and forth to swing on the rope. Or you can use the buttons. I used the buttons. All this new tech may be scary and confusing, but I can take solace in the fact that Nathan still jumps like a total idiot.



During our expidition, Dante let's slip that we're not the only people in the area.



This Guerro is a revolutionary ex-general and notorious bad guy. Because hey, Nathan needs someone with a personal army he can slaughter.



Good advice. Before long we arrive at a rickety bridge. But before that, let's take a moment to examine the new collectibles system, because it's totally new to me too. There is a lot of crap to do in this game. There are these Mysteries that you can solve. Each one involves finding a large number of things. You have a camera with which to take photos of important things. The traditional treasure system is there, and there's specific treasures you need to find for each mystery. There are also charcoal rubbings. It's exactly what it sounds like.




You rub the screen for a bit to make the picture appear. Contrary to Dante's advice, you do have to rub the whole thing. But then I'm never going to trust anything he says since I know he's going to turn on me at some point within the next two weeks. When you get all of the rubbings in a set, you have to piece them together. Simple things like this are what the touch screen does best. Once you finish a rubbing or find a needed treasure or take a picture of something important, it goes into your journal on the page for that Mystery.



Anyway, about that bridge.



I guess this is a new mechanic? It's just jumping, but you can use the touchscreen. Tap the planks to jump on them. Sometimes they break but I don't think it's possible to fall off the bridge. You can use the buttons, but there is literally no difference in this part. You don't even need to steer Nathan in the right direction. Just push X and he jumps to the next plank. Once the bridge is crossed, the game throws another new feature at us. Well, I say new...



Yeah. Remember balancing with the Sixaxis in Uncharted 1? It's back. What makes it worse is there's no other method of balancing. Outside puzzles all the touch and motion controls have traditional counterparts, but for balancing there is only motion control. So you tilt the Vita to balance and try your best not to feel silly.



Not much happens for the rest of the chapter. Just more climbing and a stepping stone section which works the same way as the bridge. Press X or tap the screen to make it across the river. Again, I don't think it's possible to fail these jumps.

After a short climb over an ugly bastard, Dante spots something.



Why yes, I do see it. It looks like... a new gameplay feature! It's some treasure, but it's behind a bamboo thicket. So how do we get it?



That's the style. Always come prepared. I must say Nathan carries a lot more useful treasure hunting equipment in this game than in all the others. Usually he just has a gun and his magic journal that contains all the answers to everything ever. A short climb later we arrive at the bamboo and a well earned new feature.




How it works is you stand in front of the bamboo, and these arrows appear. Then you swipeyour finger across the screen as the arrow indicates, and Nathan cuts the bamboo. It's... cool, I guess? The machete can't be used as a melee weapon as far as I can tell. It's just used for this little mini game. I collect the treasure from behind the small patch of bamboo and get back on track.




Oh good. Nice to know we actually could have just hopped over that fence instead of going all the way around it. But before I can try to punch Dante some people start shooting at us. Took them long enough. I assume these guys are affiliated with that Guerro person?



You were introduced as a bad guy Dante. I'm not going to believe anything you say. After they're dead we get moving, and finally get to where we're supposed to be going.





Fuck, there's a fence in the way. I guess that means another half hour treck around in instead of just climbing over it or picking the lock or-



...Oh, okay. This is yet another new feature. Using the touchscreen you turn the dial around to enter the lock combination. Not very inventive, but it's okay. Showed that fence who was boss at least. Once inside Dante shows us his discovery. A mass grave of Spanish soldiers.



Indeed. Usually the inspection of this helmet would be handled in the cutscene, but this is an Uncharted game like no other. We get to inspect stuff personally. Enter another new feature.



You can rotate the object using the rear touch pad, and clean all the dirt off it by rubbing the touch screen. Nathan mentioned that the insignia on these helmets was usually on the front, so I figured I just had to find the insignia. But no, even if you find it, you still have to clean the whole thing anyway. It's just a waste of time. But while I'm busy wasting time, a new face drops in.



Nate knows how to treat a woman.



This is Marisa. She fulfills the role of obligatory boobs. She's Dante's business partner too. Although not for long. Gunfire is heard in the distance and Dante get's a phone call. He has to leave for a while to attend to something.



Aha! Dante was in cahoots with Guerro all along! Got him! That was my reaction anyway. Nathan's reaction was not having a reaction. I guess he was suddenly stricken with temporary deafness, because he's been going on about how bad Guerro is for the last two chapters, and now it's revealed that Dante is working with Guerro and he doesn't even blink. Whatever.

As soon as Dante is gone, Marisa proposes that she and Nathan become partners because Dante is obviously going to try to cut them out. Nathan asks for one good reason he should do it.



Interest rising...



Cocktease.



This is a medallion thingy that Marisa carries around. It must be very important to the plot because it's the one from the loading screen, but right now I don't know much about it. I don't have to clean it but the game makes me swivel the thing around until it's satisfied that I've looked at it enough. Enticed by treasure and possibly boobs, but mainly treasure, Nathan agrees to team up with boobs. Marisa.

Nathan tries to figure out the meaning behind the strange burial site.



Oh, Visigoth. Well why didn't you say? Now it all makes sense. Or rather, it makes no sense at all. Everyone knows the last Visigoth Kings dies in the 8th century, hundreds of years before the Spanish were exploring Central America. Before I can ponder this deeper, some pesky goons show up.



Oh come on, all the other boobs helped out. Why are you so special? Never mind, I get things done without her.





The swiping the screen thing has found it's way into the melee combat too, for the final hit in a combo. Melee can be controlled entirely by touch I think, although again I'm sticking to buttons wherever possible. Once the area is cleared Nathan and Marisa get going.





I really hope this means the freaky final act enemies in this game will be radioactive mutants. We're not going in there though, we're just walking on by.





While Marisa is walking across the log, some baddies show up and start shooting at her. For some reason when they try to shoot her they turn into retards who can't hit a target in plain sight 10 feet away. But when they turn to shoot me their skills magically, and annoyingly, increase. I have my own magic though. It's called auto-aim. It makes short work of the goons.

After crossing the log, we arrive at the top of little wall thing and have to climb down. The baddies have followed us, and continue in vain to try to kill us.





Charming. From here until the end of the chapter is just a pleasent climbing sequence. So here are some pleasent pictures. Being able to ping a little path for Nathan to follow using the touch screen so he shimmies along by himself for a while helps a lot when taking these screen caps.

This guy doesn't have a clue. I'm up here, he's down there... I'm gonna go Assassin's Creed on his ass. Except instead of elegantly leaping and stabbing him in the neck, I'm just gonna kinda fall on him. Horses for courses. You can also seem some more of the touch menu in this shot. You can bring it up by pushing the select button, and it appears automatically whenever necessary. To jump on the guy, you can either tap the fist on the right, or the fist over the dude, or press square.




It's not one of Guerro's men, it's one of Dante's men. He's been stealing stuff and digging around where he shouldn't be, which is why Guerro is pissed off. This chapter is basically an extended shoot out.







For the first time I manage to make it across a log without triggering the balance thing. I have no idea why it only happens sometimes. Eventually we arrive back at the bridge.



Hate's a strong word. I kinda like the bridge. Nice views, just hopping along the planks, it's relaxing.




Relaxing and deadly.



That pretty much sums up Nathan's life. Everyone else gets across just fine, but he has to find another way because the bridge always fucking breaks. He has the worst and best luck in the world. In that order. Because there's always another way.





Unfortunately, what with Marisa being left alone on the other side, and what with her refusing to carry a gun, she of course gets ambushed.



This is the second time this has happened. I have a very strong feeling that it won't be the last. Luckily some forgetful fool walked off and left his sniper rifle on top of this very cliff.



See that little slider on the right? You can use the touch screen or rear pad to zoom in and out using that. Or you can use the d-pad. A couple kills and dramatic leaps later...



...and I meet up with Marisa and continue on through the jungle. It's not long before more mooks show up though.



Shhh, be vewwy quiet. I'm hunting non-white-American ethnicities.




Ha ha. Shortly after this we arrive back at the jeep and find Dante.



Fuck that. Shoot him. Shoot him! He's a bad guy damn it. But Dante is not alone.



This is general Guerro. He's not too happy and Dante bringing in extra men and doing extra digging without telling him. Realising that Guerro is mainly upset with Dante, Nathan comes up with a brilliant plan to get out of this situation. He simply asks to be excused.



Needless to say it doesn't work. Guerro takes Marisa's pendant and knocks Drake unconscious.

Nathan wakes up in what appears to be a shithole. All his stuff has been taken and the shithole appears to be on fire. Thus begins the epic and very short adventure of getting out of the shithole.





Oh forget about Dante already! He's a bad guy! This is really beginning to get on my nerves. Don't introduce someone as a bad guy only to immediately go back in time and make me rescue him. I don't want to rescue him damn it. Chase can't stick around for long because Guerro's men are out and about, this presumably being their compound and all. Don't know how she got out. But there's no time for pondering.



Yeah, now we're talking. Back in business. Hohoho, now I have a machete. Time to...



...cut up a sheet.

A sheet. Come on! It's a sheet! He can't pull it down? Or simply walk under it? He has to hack it to bits with a machete?

Well, after relieving some pent up rage on an innocent sheet, we enter the first big Uncharted style setpiece of the game. Escape the burning building.



The fire really shows up the technical limitations of a portable game that's trying to roll with the home console games. Obviously it doesn't look as good as the fire in Uncharted 3, but it doesn't look that good compared to the rest Goldenn Abyss either. it's a very pixelated effect. It's a nice little section though.






And he means it. That's the end of the chapter. Very short, but it felt like the proper start of the game. We've done the tutorials, and now the action and really begin.

This chapter is all about stealth. And random explosions, but mostly stealth. First though, just why was that building on fire?



Good thinking. Set the building I'm in on fire to lure the guards right to where we are. That'll help us escape. Oh well, what's done is done. Let's get out of h-...



Okay then, we'll *ugh* rescue Dante and then get out of h-...



Fine. We'll rescue Dante and get the amulet and then get out of here. You're going to help me I assume?



Fuck you lady. I guess I'll have to do everything then. Neck snapping ahoy.





This is another innovative use of the touchscreen. Giving people a boost. It pops up quite a bit in this chapter, but I won't bother showing all of them.





See what I mean? She was climbing around all over the place with Nate a couple chapters ago, but now she needs a leg up? Before I can follow her up the slightly high wall...




...a truck just comes out of nowhere and crashes into the nearby shack and explodes. I have no idea why this happens. I can only assume God had noticed that the metaphorical bridge hadn't broken for a while and had to think quickly to come up with a reason for Nathan to find another way around.





Here we have our first QTE of the game. The thing breaks and you have to swipe the screen as the arrow dictates. If you don't do it in time, Nathan falls and dies.

Shortly after Nathan meets back up with Marisa, he notices something on the ground.



It's a trowel. It belonged to Vincent Perez. Don't know who he is but apparently he's important. This is another "puzzle" that involves just rubbing the screen to clean the object.




A few dead bodies and medals later we arrive at Guerro's headquarters. There aren't 30 people to stealth kill in the chapter by the way, I replayed it a few times to get all the pictures. It's also worth noting that it's not necessarily a stealth chapter. One time every single guard spotted me and I couldn't figure out why, since I wasn't doing anything different. If you do get spotted, there's a lot more guards to deal with than there is if you manage to stay hidden.




Oh yeah, thank god Dante's okay. It would be terrible if something happened to him. I'm so concerned for his safety. Can we just find out he's a bad guy already and get past the prologue so I can kill him?

Our mission for this chapter is to get into that building on the right of the picture. It's unsurprisingly more complicated than it looks. First thing's first though, kill some dudes.




Once they're dead, Marisa tells me there's a ladder up on a higher platform that she used to get down before. So I give her a touchscreen boost up there, but...



Of course it is. I guess I'll have to find another way?



What a shocker.






As mechanically dull as the platforming is, it's always enjoyable for some reason. When I reach that sign a bunch of mooks show up and we have little hang-out shoot-out.



Once that's done I leap from the sign to where Marisa is.




Ha, I get it. While here, a bunch more mooks show up down below. I used all my pistol ammo on the hanging section, but luckily there's an AK47 just lying around.




Yeah, I got mad auto-aim skills. Now the only thing between me and the inside of that building is the door. It's a heavy door, but Marisa isn't as much of a jerk as Dante, so she helps out.





Great. The rebels (or whatever) are stockpiling highly volatile chemicals. This is related to one of the Mysteries you have to collect stuff for, and it looks like they're making some kind of poisonous powder for some reason. Maybe we'll find out later, or maybe the building will explode. Maybe both. Let's find out.

Call me crazy, but I think Dante is going to cut a deal. This chapter is pretty short and dull, with nothing we haven't already seen before, so I'll be quick with this one.



This is the stealth kill screen. Again, you tap either of the icons on the screen or just press square.



Square works fine. After a few stealthy kills we arrive at an elevator. It is, of course, broken.




Yeah, yeah, we've heard that joke enough now Marisa. Either come up with better dialogue, pick up a gun, or find a convenient reason to get naked. Anything would help really.

While climbing around trying to get the elevator working, Nathan overhears Guerro and Dante talking.



Finally. So I get the elevator working.



Well duh. I didn't catch all the important dialogue during these scenes, but Dante mentioned an old man who worked on the grave site for 20 years. Don't know what happened to him, but I'm guessing it's that Vincent Perez guy. I'm also guessing he's Marisa's grandfather, since she almost said it while at the dig.



I'll get to see if my guesses are right pretty soon, hopefully.

This is another very short chapter, but it does introduce another new feature.




Does he look okay?



Well, there was actually a guy trying to fix that elevator in the last chapter. But Guerro killed him for not fixing it fast enough. Nathan overheard all of this, so he should really know the answer to that question. While down here I find another piece of crap to clean.



This belongs to Vincent Perez too. Again, Marisa denies knowing him, but I'm onto her.

After climbing out of the whole we get outside and spot Guerro's main office place.




"My way" is shorthand for "killing", in case you didn't know.




At first glance I thought I could stealth these guys, but after observing their very clever patrol routes for a while ("Stand here for bit, walk ten feet and stand there for a bit, walk back to where I just was"), I realised it couldn't be done. Luckily the first guy I killed dropped an AK47, so...




The Bounty Hunter medal in that first shot refers to "bounty", which I don't think I've mentioned yet. Bounty is random pick ups dropped when you kill people. They don't seem to serve any purpose other than adding a point to % completion number. I think they may be to do with the Black Market, but that's not a feature I've explored yet. Maybe I'll do that when I finish the game.

In the second shot we have an armoured guard. He takes more bullets to kill than non-armoured guards, duh. Once the area is clear Nathan and Marisa try to find a way in.




So while she's off looking for a rope, the game takes some time to introduce grenades.



See that little grenade icon in the corner? That means I have some grenades. You can hold up to 3 it seems, although for this section there's an unlimited supply. Now, there are no button controls for grenades. If you tap the icon, Nathan throws a grenade vaguely into the middle of the screen somewhere. To aim a throw, you have to drag the icon around, like so:



This is a bit akward because you can't get your thumbs right across the screen, so I have to take my right hand off the Vita, and consequently away from the face buttons, and use a finger to drag the icon around. I don't know if you can throw a grenade while aiming a gun like the other games because I just forgot to try it. I'll do that next time.

After a while, Marisa comes back with the rope. But she rushes ahead before I can climb it.




Even if it wasn't the name of the damn chapter, I'd be willing to bet that she's going to learn the hard way.



Yup.



Nathan decides to fight the guy rather than shoot him for some reason. As well as the usual choice of tapping the screen or pressing square, melee also involves swipes now too. After that''s dealt with, Nathan and Melisa press on.



Good idea.

Check out that pose. What a show off. The start of this chapter is a long shoot out as we progress towards Guerro's office.





Etcetera. Also, you can still throw grenades while aiming. Just tap the icon while pointing your gun at something. Anyway, when we reach Guerro's office...



Oh wow, really? I'm stunned. I guess I'll have to-



I'm helping you out here lady, don't take the piss. You can find another way in yourself if you're going to be like that. Bitch.

But ever the gentleman, Nathan goes off to find another way into the office, leaving Marisa alone again. I don't know why she can't come along, she can climb pretty well and stuff. Anyway, this door...



...was shut when I walked past it earlier but it's open now. It reveals a truck full of a lot of dynamite.



Like I said, a lot of dynamite. A truck full of dynamite in a facility full of highly volatile chemicals. 1+1=Explosion?

While moping around, I discover that Guerro's office actually only has 3 walls.



See that room at the top of the picture? That's his office. I figured Guerro was a man deeply concerned with security, what with having a lock on his door and everything, but he seems to have forgotten to finish building his headquarters. So I just wander in and open the door.



Yes, the exciting new touchscreen interface that offers a world of new control options is now being used to push a door handle down. When we get inside, Marisa is upset to see that Dante has pretty much handed Guerro their entire operation, and she finally spills her "long story".




Called it. So what happened to him?



Damn. But that's not all. When he got sick he hired Dante to help deal with Guerro. So Dante not only screwed Nathan over, but he screwed over an elderly terminally ill cancer patient. What a prick. And shortly after Dante arrived, Vincent went missing for some unknown reason. However, Dante and Guerro haven't shown any signs of knowing anything about Vincent since his disappearance, so I'm willing to bet there's something else going on here. But back to the matter at hand.




So we gather up all we can carry, but the amulet is nowhere to be found. Guerro's unique attempts at security come to the rescue yet again though, because the combination to his very poorly hidden safe just happens to be lying around on a table.



It's another combination thing where you rotate the dial around. Self explanatory really. The amulet is inside, as soon as Marisa gets it back there's some noise. Someone is coming. So Marisa, genius as she is, hides in the most fucking stupid place possible.



She must have some kind of disorder, seriously. The truck drives off as Guerro and Dante have a little natter.



Of course you know, Dante, this means war. But first, I'm off to find that truck and rescue boobs.

Oh for fuck's sake.



So the chapter starts with yet another part where Marisa is trapped and I have to protect her by shooting a bunch of people. Luckily the little balcony I landed on is littered with sniper rifles.




Eventually Marisa makes her way up to the balcony, but things just get worse.




This turret is invincible. Nothing you can do about it except wait for the next cutscene to trigger.



Well duh.



Oh yeah, stupidest idea ever. In Opposite Land.




With that taken care of, we can finally get out of this damn place. We've been for 7 chapters now, I'm getting bored of it.



And that's the end of that chap-



God damn it. I fucking hate Dante. Can't I just kill him now? I know it would cause some kind of time paradox but it would totally be worth it.





Well okay. Marisa just redeemed herself. Not sure why Dante didn't just shoot her, but I don't care. She pushed him in the river and I like her now.



And that's the end of that chapter.

This is a very, very short chapter. It's just segment where you run away from people...




...and then a cutscene. But it's an entertaining cutscene.



They say "son of a bitch" a lot in this game. Anyway, Nathan and Marisa are cornered against the river bank and Guerro wants the amulet.




Fair point. Can't really fault him on that to be honest. Finally someone is standing up these grave robbers. But Nathan has a cunning plan to get them out of this situation.




And Guerro and Drake lived happily ever after.

Nah, of course that's how it ends. It was just a fake out. Nathan throws the back pack at the men and then jumps into the river.



I do love Nathan's poses. As for his plan though, I don't get it. Give the amulet to Guerro and then leg it? Why? Why not just jump into the river when he pushed Marisa in and keep the amulet? Why did they even stop in the first place if they could just jump in and escape? I don't understand.

This chapter is about a minute long. 40 seconds of this:



You have to tilt the Vita left and right to avoid hitting rocks. Then there's a short cutscene.





Okay, now I really don't get Nathan's plan. After I posted the last chapter I started thinking that maybe the plan was to give Guerro the amulet so that he would stop chasing them. But they still have the amulet. That whole fake-out thing was utterly pointless. They could have just jumped in the mud right away and avoided that whole scene.

At least were out of that damn location now though. This will hopefully be the start of the much better second half of the game.

Wow, this whole chapter is just a long cutscene.







So, what's going on is; When Spain was invaded in the 8th century, apparently 7 bishops set sail on ships full of Spanish treasure and founded 7 golden cities. But no one knows where. A religious order called the Sete Cidadas was founded to find out. Eventually they ended up in the Americas, and of course the old myth of a city of gold cropped up. But the Sete Cidadas don't want just anyone finding it. That mass Spanish grave from earlier in the game was their work, they poisoned them.

This could actually be fairly interesting, since Drake's Fortune started with the El Dorado myth, except Nathan and Sully discovered that it wasn't a city at all, but the golden statue that contained the magic virus thingy.

Anyway, I lied when I said this chapter was all cutscene. There's one small break to introduce the most desperate gameplay feature I've ever encountered.



You see where it says to hold the back of the parchment up to a light? This means you actually have to hold the Vita up in front of a light. In my case I had to get up and turn the light on first, then hold my arms up to the ceiling.



The ink on the parchment is sensitive to light. Whoopie shit. I can't believe this feature is in the game. The worst part is it's bound to happen again.